I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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