i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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