I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
