He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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