don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
