respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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