i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
