hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
