i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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