Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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