Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
