I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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