Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The Olympian is in my bed
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
