Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
