come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
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