oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
