Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
