I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
