you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
