I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
