He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
