sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
