So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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