If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She's the barista slut.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
