i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
