New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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