You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
