yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
