I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
