Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
