Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
