my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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