Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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