fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
