So drunk its hurt
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
