you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
