I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
