Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
