There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
