Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
