I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
