I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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