drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
