I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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