I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
