Don't make out with my wife yet
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
