I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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