I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
