i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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