I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
