She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
