The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
