So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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