With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
