I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
