Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
