dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
