Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
